Tempting The Light
L.A.M.P.S.
Book One
Bonnie Gill
Genre: Humorous Paranormal Romance
Publisher: Soul Mate Publishing
Date of Publication: April 20, 2016
Word Count: 75,000
Cover Artist:Fiona Jayde
Book Description
Bad luck magnet Abby Fitzpatrick gets fired, catches her boyfriend cheating with a mime, and is cursed by an evil genie who pops out of a tampon box. She’s bound and determined to remove the spell, and as fate would have it, the hottest guy she’s ever met is out to kill her.
River Stone, a Cryptid hunter for Legends and Myths Police Squad (L.A.M.P.S.), poses as a sheriff for Abby’s hometown of Haber Cove, New Jersey. He’s out to find and capture a man-eating gnome and bag the legendary Jersey Devil monster. Little does he realize, the woman who catches his heart is the same creature that he was sent to destroy.
Tempting the Light is the first novel in the L.A.M.P.S. series that features hunky secret agents who find true love while hunting and slaying dangerous Cryptids.
Excerpt:
Abby Fitzgerald didn’t expect a
surprise birthday party when she got home today. She didn’t expect bold colored
daisies or pretty wrapped gifts. But most of all she didn’t expect to find her
live-in boyfriend Burt, engaged in a spooge-a-paloosa fest with a chick dressed
as a mime. Her crazy old grandmother warned her she would be cursed on her
twenty-fifth birthday, but who would have believed it?
Burt slapped his
body up against the mime from behind in a vigorous frenzy on the sleigh styled
queen-sized bed. The woman’s hands and painted white face pressed up against an
invisible window with his arm wrapped around her waist to keep her vertical.
Seeing Abby, the
mime's lips parted into an "O" breaking the sex-me-up red heart
painted across them. She covered her mouth with her gloved hands.
Abby stared in
horror at Burt with his mouth open and eyes closed, savoring the sheer ecstasy
of screwing the mime. Her heart shattered shooting pulmonary shrapnel up her
throat. He never looked like that when they were together.
"You’re
freaking cheating on me?"
Burt’s eyes
popped open, before he leaped from the bed. "Son of a . . ."
Abby dashed into
the hallway bathroom, and rummaged in the crowded cabinet under the sink.
"Where’s the damn Scrubbing Bubbles? Or better yet, the Borax?" She
tossed a mildewed loofa and a half used bottle of honeysuckle hand lotion over
her shoulder. They landed not far from Burt’s bare feet.
"Abby, I’m
sorry. I was going to wait until after your birthday to tell you." He
placed his hands on both sides of the bathroom door trim and leaned into the
room. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I’m trying
to find something to scour the sick image of you and your mime girlfriend from
my eyes. Better yet, I’ll get the melon ball scooper." Unable to contain
herself, she whipped a can of lemon scented shaving cream at his head.
He ducked but
the foaming missile bounced off his hair-sprayed-until-bullet-proof hair. His
nostrils flared like an enraged bull. Too bad that was all he had in common
with the animal. "You’re acting irrational. Stop it."
True. Right now
she couldn’t even think straight. "Get away from me."
"It doesn’t
have to be like this," he said under his breath.
She ignored his
statement and shoved his skinny five-foot-four-inch unclothed body aside and
marched back into the bedroom.
The mime perched
on the edge of the bed with a sheet wrapped around her naked body. She held up
both hands in a stop gesture and waved them back and forth.
"Abby.
Please settle down." Burt trailed behind her.
"Settle
down? Do you know why I came home early?"
"No."
He glanced at his watch then looked absolutely baffled.
"Because I
got fired today, Burt."
He tilted his
head to the side and wrinkled his rather large forehead. "Oh. Well, how
were you planning to help me pay the rent then?"
She wished she
had a gun to shoot the stupid out of him.
"Get out of
my house." She jerked on the mime’s cover-up sheet. The mime pulled back.
Abby yanked again but then let go, the mime did a back-flip somersault off the
bed. Her pasty white face popped up on the other side of the mattress like a
demented rodent in a whack-a-mole game.
"This is my
apartment," Burt raised his voice louder and pointed at the mime.
"You don’t have to go anywhere."
The mime
amplified her smile by pointing to the corners of her lips and twisting her
fingers in her imaginary dimples, then she proceeded to skip and do a naked
happy dance in circles around Abby.
Abby gave her a
shove out of her way. "What the heck is her problem? Doesn’t she
talk?"
Burt shrugged.
"I don’t know. She hasn’t said a word since we met. It’s one of her perks."
Abby slammed her
fist into the side of her leg to keep from punching the detestable smart-ass
smirk that spread across his face. Her fantasy of a blissful marriage and white
picket fence shattered in one measly, heinous moment.
"How long
has this been going on? Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know."
She marched over to the closet, grabbed her blue duffle bag, and stuffed a few
pairs of her size two jeans into it. She then looked down at his exposed
mini-manly parts and raised a questioning brow.
Burt’s eyes
widened to a bug-eyed look and then he scattered to pull on a pair of
whity-tighties.
She stalked over
to her dresser, pulled out different colored T-shirts, and a stack of clean
underwear to shove in her bag. She hesitated for a moment. "The other day,
I saw you in the jewelry store buying something. I—I thought you might."
Before she could
finish, the mime flashed the back of her hand at Abby. A pink princess cut rock
set in a platinum setting adorned the ring finger of her left hand.
Burt sent a
reprimanding scowl in the mime’s direction. "It just happened."
Her heart went
numb first, before the shredding feeling of a weed-whacker tore through it.
"Wonderful."
She stormed out of the room and into the kitchen, pulling worthless knick-knacks
from their displayed posts and cramming them in her bag. A satisfied smile
lifted her cheeks when she held up Burt’s prized Fifty States Commemorative
Quarter collection for him to see.
"You
wouldn’t dare. Put that back." He swiped at the coins but missed.
"Yes, I
would and I’m leaving you." She jammed the cardboard display in the
duffle, and swung her bag of belongings over her shoulder. "I hope you have many ugly clown
babies." She slammed the apartment door behind her.
While trudging
to her car the whooshing blood of each heart beat thumped like sonic booms in
Abby’s ears. She tossed her bag into the trunk and marched over to Burt’s
yellow Volkswagen Beetle. She pulled back her foot and gave it a hard kick in
the tire. I wonder how many girlfriends he
can cram into that thing at one time?
She sat behind
her steering wheel in silence. Too bad she couldn’t pull a do-over for the day.
Her grandmother must have been psychic.
About the Author:
Bonnie Gill grew up in the suburbs right outside Chicago. As a child she loved making up ghost stories at night to scare her sisters and friends.
She writes Paranormal Romance with a twist of humor. When she isn’t writing you can find her on a haunted tour, volunteering at pet rescues, or digging around in her fairy garden waiting for fairies to show. She’s a member of Romance Writers of America, the Fantasy, Futuristic, and Paranormal chapter and the Windy City chapter.
She lives in Northern Illinois with her four rescue dogs, a big fat cat, and her ever patient boyfriend who laughs at all her goofy jokes.
She loves to hear from her readers.
Website http://www.bonniegill.com/
Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/Bonnie-Gill-340592565963637/
Wattpad http://wattpad.com/BonnieGill
1 comment:
Thank you for featuring me on your blog today :)
Post a Comment