Writing with Kids – L.A. Morton-Yates
Kids are a challenge. I don’t mind saying so, and anyone who’s had them knows exactly what I mean. They take a lot of time, a lot of energy, and a lot of patience. As I am writing this, I have my 3-month-old in a baby carrier and am doing a very dadly dance in front of my standing desk. They are like little black holes, warping all of time and space around them and putting them at the center of it all.
I’m mostly joking, of course. I love my kids and wouldn’t be nearly the person I am today without them. In many ways, my success in actually getting writing done can be attributed to them. If you want to survive having kids, you have to develop good habits. You have to be consistent and intentional with them and with your time. It’s a trial by fire, but if you (and your writing) make it, you learn a lot about yourself and about how to make the two coexist.
So how does that look for me? If you’re a parent like me and trying to figure out how to also write (or do another fulfilling hobby), here’s a couple of practical tricks I’ve learned.
1. Try a Standing Desk
During my firstborn’s first year, I felt completely disconnected. I hadn’t written in months (the first four months of life are the hardest to find any balance), but when my little guy started getting a little more independent and mobile, I figured I should be able to find some time again. There were a few problems, of course. Even after baby-proofing, you always have to keep an eye on your little one, so a writing process that involved retreating into an office and sitting down for a couple of hours to work was simply out of the question. This pushed us to move my desk out into the main room of the house, where we spent most of our time. I couldn’t really sit, but I could get in a sentence here and there.
That all fell apart as he started to pull up on things and got tall enough to reach my keyboard. Now my computer being out in the open was a liability and a source of constant frustration. I didn’t want to move it back into another room, because that would mean I never got to use it, but it couldn’t stay where it was. When a friend of a friend suggested I try a standing desk, I couldn’t see the downside.
The first week after setting it up, I felt like I’d gotten my whole life back. I could write again. I could walk up to my desk in the middle of whatever was going on and make a quick note, add a line of dialogue, or work on one of my fantasy maps. My little boy couldn’t get to it, and dedicating some time to doing it didn’t mean that I had to check out from what was going on with my family.
Now, two more boys later, I still swear by my standing desk. It might not be as comfortable as sitting down, but I actually get to get some writing done. And some writing is infinitely more than no writing.
2. Embrace the Fragmented Workflow
Once upon a time, I had the luxury of spending two hours straight on writing. No one would talk me, ask me for snacks, or need their diaper changed. It was a glorious time… but was it actually more productive?
The truth for most writers in the modern day is that distractions are pretty easy to come by. You might tell yourself you are going to sit and write for two hours, but realistically at least a quarter of that (maybe more) will be spent scrolling on one social media site of another. I don’t mean this as a criticism—we’re all only human. My point is simply that most of us are already using a fragmented workflow, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. The difference is between our distractions being out of necessity (“Daaaad! Can you wipe my butt?”) and out of misguided habit.
The thing about distractions being unstoppable, rather than self-inflicted, is that they make you value every moment you get to actually write all the more. When I’m trying to convince my 3-month-old to go to sleep, I’m thinking about the scene that I’m working on. I know what the next line of dialogue will be when I get back to the keyboard, and even though I sometimes don’t get more than that down in my moment in front of the desk, I also never get the chance to get distracted by something else while I’m at the computer.
This process works with chores as well. While vacuuming the living room, I can be thinking about my character’s emotional arc. While doing the dishes, I can be thinking about elements of worldbuilding that need to be expanded. I’ve worked plenty of jobs that have menial parts of the day in which my mind can wander. Then, in moments when others might be scrolling on their phone, I can be jotting down that next line in my manuscript.
Is this a perfect system? Of course not. For one thing, it mainly works in the drafting phase, and tends to break down in revision and editing (at least for me). But it’s made a huge difference for me simply because it allows me to maintain my momentum.
3. Maintain Momentum
Everyone likes hearing about 3,000 and 10,000 word days, and of course as a writer it feels amazing to have a day like that. But as a father who also works for a living, the grandeur of such monumental days simply isn’t something I can aim for. If you want to be a writer and balance an otherwise busy life, you have to think practically—how can I do everything that I want to do and not burn myself out?
The secret is to never stop moving. In my experience, it’s better to have seven days where I write 200 words a day than to write 2,000 words and then put it down for a week. You have to keep your world and your characters fresh in your head. As I said above, always be thinking about what comes next and how to move forward. This way, if and when you do suddenly have a day where you have a lot of time to write, you’re already geared up and ready to go. And even if you don’t, every word you put on the page is another step closer to a completed draft. I’ve found that it’s often this momentum that makes the difference between finishing a project and abandoning it forever. It takes a lot of patience, but you’ll get there eventually.
As a bonus, your kids will teach you patience. You’re definitely going to need it.
What about you? Do you have any tips for balancing family and a creative hobby? What’s your favorite story involving your hobby colliding with your kids? Let me know in the comments below!
Excerpt:
Something moved at the edge of the horizon. It was like a shadow, black as a cloud but moving fast across the snow plain. Time seemed to stop, but Dela could feel herself sliding forward as if she were standing on a lake of ice. Freja was still yelling, but she couldn’t hear her. Her arms were flailing, but Dela hardly noticed.
A wave of lights moved in front of the thing, jumping and turning, quick as sparks. It was like a field of quails fleeing into the sky before a coming wolf, but the wolf—the shadow—followed them. The closer it got, the more the shiver racked her spine. She knew exactly what it was, though she’d never seen one. No one in the congregation had. There were no stories. No whisperings. Only a name.
“Shade.”
Freja stared at her, bewildered into silence. Perhaps she was going to speak, but then—
“Shade!” Dela reached for her friend, snatching her by the sleeve and pulling her toward her. They ran, berries forgotten even as the bags bounced in Dela’s grip. They were a dozen strides from the bush before she thought to secure them to one of her belt hooks. How could she even think of them at a time like this? They had to get to the camp. People had to know.
They skidded to a stop at the edge of the overhang they’d climbed. The tents were only a dozen feet below, and a handful of people had gathered at the commotion. They stared up at the two girls with confusion intermingled with irritation. They weren’t used to their evening being disturbed by shouting, and the long journey had people’s nerves worn thin.
None of that mattered. All that mattered was what they would do. What were they supposed to do?
“Shade coming from the east!” Dela yelled. “Get the Ministers!”
Chaos possessed the camp. People scrambled, yelling. Others just stood with disbelieving frowns. Some started running in no particular direction. As if that would save them.
Would it?
Dela knew nothing about Shades. She hadn’t put much thought into what they might be or do or want. All she knew was that whatever that thing was, it was one of them. And the lights? The things it was chasing? What were they?
Freja was trembling as she crouched and threw her legs out over the edge of the rocks. It was a maneuver she’d done a hundred times, and in colder weather than this. But for fear or anger or nerves, her grip failed. Dela lurched downward, chest striking hard against the rocks as her hand snapped out into the air—and caught her friend’s arm. She grunted as she swung the girl toward the rock wall, which Freja caught in an instant. They exchanged an important glance, but there was time for little else.
Dela stood again, scanning the snowfield for signs of the shadow. It was still gliding forth on nothing but empty air, like a nightmare in a dead sprint toward an innocent dreamer. But, she realized, it was not heading straight for them. It had deviated, aiming toward the empty field north of them, and if it kept going that way, it might miss them entirely.
Could it see? It didn’t seem to have eyes. Nor any other body part, per se. Did it smell, then? Or feel? How could it expect to find anything out here in the cold, white abyss of the Bitters?
Whatever rules it followed couldn’t be the same as what humans or animals followed. It didn’t make any sense.
Then she saw the reason. One of the congregation, maddened by fear, had made a break for it, out into the open Basin. The Shade wasn’t just going to miss the camp. It was going after him.
He’d made it a hundred feet from the camp, and showed no signs of looking back or slowing. From the angle of approach, the man couldn’t see the shadow coming. Couldn’t see it bearing down on him. Couldn’t see the impossibility of his flight.
The Shade engulfed him as though it was little more than a localized fog. He vanished entirely from view, and for one bizarre moment, the beast of a cloud seemed to stop.
Then they heard the scream.
Great advice. "Embrace the fragmented workflow" is a definite thing you have to get used to. There are no long writing sessions. More like short bursts between kids and household stuff.
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ReplyDeleteCongratulations L.A.
ReplyDeletegreat excerpt!
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